Tuesday, July 1, 2008

In the news

Dropping to this corner after ages it seems..

Some creative culminations from a batch mate (SG) that I thought I would put up here:

"
There's an imaginary management institute by the name of FIMWI (Fictitious Institute of Management in Western India). Some of it's popular faculty members have some specific traits which they display while teaching. Please use this quiz below to see if you are able to identify these "famous five" who are describing themselves.

1) I know that people buy a brand of shirt because the advertisement shows a female hand sliding down a masculine chest adorned by this brand of shirt. But they will never tell this reason, when questioned. I still want you to go out and find from people what makes them buy different products. While discussing a case in the class, whenever someone makes any statement, I have this habit of questioning it with a "therefore ?". When they come out with subsequent statements, I keep repeating "therefore"... "therefore".... After three or four "therefores", I suddenly rise from the instructor's table and say "why do you keep making things complicated yaar.. think basic. Are you an engineer ?"

2) Most of my conversations follow this typical sequence -
"This is bullshit.. pure unadulterated bullshit"
"I studied in IIM Calcutta"
"You have learnt nothing"
"I studied in IIM Calcutta"
"You guys are fools" (and be grateful about the fact that I told you this)
"I studied in IIM Calcutta"
"You make my blood boil"
"I studied in IIM Calcutta"
Do not go by my voice. I am a very aggressive person (like a doberman whose tail has been cut). Please be very scared of me.

3) Remember I told you "Nash was not well when he was working on his theory. But when he got Noble Prize for his work, he became allright". Didn't recognize me? Oh c'mmon, I also told you that I wanted morning sessions for my classes but this manager of PGPX first ignored my mails then messed up the schedule. Still not there? OK, I was the one who told you that "if I did not perform market will kick me or not", while making a backward kick gesture. "Kilear now" ?

4) When someone asked by Reliance do I mean RIL or RCOMM, I told them "No I took this data from Vault. Else it will become just..."
One of my famous quotes is "people do not leave organizations, people leave managers, so it is... upto the managers... to....."
Upto the managers to... what ? Are you telling me that I didn't make any sense. I don't know. I don't like to complete my sentences. I am from the HR area, not from Communications.

5) I worked for many years in industry before joining FIMWI as faculty. Whenever I ask a question in class, I follow it with a "quickly !".
For some reason (some people say it's the evening tea in dining hall), I want to meet students personally. My body has six degrees of freedom and I walk in all directions when talking to the class. I may tend to run into the instructor's desk when I am walking backward and talking to the class simultaneously. Sometimes, I may also walk sideways while talking and hit instructor's chair. Thankfully the ceiling of CR11 is quite high.
Please rush in your answers but do not expect a prize as we have a PND (Prize Not to be Dispatched) policy at FIMWI.

Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction. Similarities to any person are purely coincidental. This note has entertainment value only."